Moving Ever Onward

Tonight is the last night (well, I think) here in my parents house for today I received the key’s to my new home. How can I describe the true elation of this day – it means the world to me – to find myself moving forward.
Suddenly the locomotive that leads my life has roared to life in a burst of steam and we are heading for the mountains that I am sure are to come, but for now, I see green meadows.

At the beginning of 2017 I never expected to be starting 2018 in a new home. It was a dream beyond my grasp. Perhaps though, the most incredible thing to come about is the renewed hope. A hope in a future I had begun to loose spirit in.

2017 was a difficult year, but if climbing the mountain that was 2017 meant I can stand on top of this peak for awhile, then okay, I climbed that mountain like a trooper and now I’m going to enjoy this view while I can.

Tomorrow my amazing family is coming around to help move me into my new home. We’re in the middle of a bit of a heatwave, which is – ah – inconvenient to say the least. Hopefully we can get the heavy lifting out of the way early in the morning. ^_^

I know everyone is not looking forward to moving a particular couch of mine.

There is one thing I am really going to miss about moving into a new home.
That is my beloved cat, Aislinn Dreamer. My mother purchased Aislinn for me in year 9, when I was going through a very difficult time, she became a constant companion of mine and I have – well – I’ll admit – I’ve sort of become a little attached. She means a lot to me. 19125163_10155399160318430_1117968493_o

I always promised myself I would never get another cat until she passed away and she’s in her fifteenth year now – I think – and still going pretty strong, other than some arthritis in her legs. She can’t jump from high places anymore, and she loathes going up and down the stairs to my Loft. She’s very attached to my parents house though – and we’ve all agreed that forcing her to move at her age would just cause more stress than it’s worth when she’s so attached to the house.

Thus, I am leaving behind my cat.
I know, I know, it’s really not that big of a deal – I’m making myself into a total stereotypical single cat lady that I loathe being.  I’m sure my parents will look after her, despite them threatening otherwise.

Well, now, I really do need to sign off this computer and start packing it up for the move tomorrow. It’s all exciting and exhausting all at the same time. I suppose the next time you hear from me it will be from a new office in a new home.

Ever onward then.

The Passage of Time

I keep journals. I’ve kept journals since I was nine years old. Not that those journals are particularly well written, considering my dyslexia. I was only, truly, able to spell and write coherently when I was fifteen, so it was little wonder I was failing school by year nine. Yet – I digress – journal writing is fascinating. It allows this incredible record of the passage of time.

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These journals tell some very dark tales – of a teenage girl fighting for survival – but they also tell the story of hope, love and conquering monstrous dragons, and of a family she utterly adores.

During my packing process (for moving into my new house) I found my journal for the tail end of 2016 and the beginning months of 2017. I was curious – since it was New Years Eve – I decided to sit down and see what my thoughts had been at that time the previous year. Well. I can tell you. I hadn’t been in a great place. Indeed, things seemed rather dim for my whole family, according to my journal.

The thing that kept repeating itself, over and over, as I read through the months into 2017 – and no – it had nothing to do with Trump – was my loneliness. I was so lonely. This immense pit of loneliness.
But slowly – as 2017 progressed – little things happened (okay, some of them rather big)
And you know what, I never even noticed. I’ve only noticed it now, looking back.
My Dad got a job. My brother got a job. My sister is pregnant. I’ve found a small community of people to talk too every now and then – goodness – I’m even going to Melbourne this year with them! That lonely feeling – it isn’t as crushing anymore. And just when I thought I’d reached the end of my rope at the very end of 2017 – a lifeline was flung out to me.
I’m moving out of my parents house. I can begin a new journal, on fresh pages, in 2018.
I have read every journal, and none of them have started off with the optimism of 2018.
Sure, a part of me is terrified, but it is sort of that terror that comes when you do something truly daring and exciting.

My pain levels haven’t change. I’m sitting here, my body burning, clothes digging into my flesh like knives. I had the thought the other day – “I am so blessed, so, am I still allowed to cry?”
I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. It’s very conflicting to be in so much pain, yet to feel so happy. ^_^

IMG_20171231_234724.jpgThis New Years, my Father, Mother and had – honestly – the nicest New Years Eve we’ve had in a long time. It was just the three of us – for a BBQ – and then for the first time ever, after all the year’s we’ve lived in Adelaide – we headed to Glenelg to see the fireworks.
It was beautiful. It was such a lovely way to welcome in the new year.
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Whatever this year brings, whatever tales my journals will someday tell of 2018, this princess is no longer trapped in her tower.

She’s going to go and find a prince to help build her kingdom.

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